I haven't seen too many Turkish movies. The ones I have seen - Three Monkeys, Distant, and Dry Summer - are all serious dramas. I knew that wacky Turkish exploitation movies existed, but I never saw one before today.
And what a movie! It's not a good movie or even well made, but it is something else. It concerns Tarkan the Barbarian. He's a Turk, and he's quite the badass. He's escorting the Yonca, the daughter of Atilla the Hun, with his two trusty dogs by his side. His main friend is his older dog, Kurt. The younger dog is around, but he's learning how to be a good Turkish dog from his father, the aforementioned Kurt.
When Yonca and Tarkan the Barbarian stop at a local Hun (Turk) fortress, they're attacked by Commander Toro of the Vikings. You can tell their Vikings, because they arrive in a ship that looks exactly like the magic boat tht took Jimmy and Freddy the Magic Flute to Living Island in H.R. Pufnstuf. That, and they wear cutoffs. They're Vikings.
The Vikings attack, killing all the men, women, and children. Well, not all the women....In true Viking style, they snatch up the foxiest ones - Yonca included - and take them back to Viking Land.
They also manage to put Tarkan out of commission with a few well placed arrows and even kill Kurt Sr. When Tarkan comes to, that's when you find out that the younger dog is named Kurt, also. Not Kurt, Jr. - just Kurt. Kurt is dead, long live Kurt.
This is where the movie gets truly weird. Tarkan is all but forgotten for about twenty minutes while he recuperates from his injuries, and we get to see the inflatable octopus that the Vikings worship, along with secret Chinese torture rituals. Then Commander Toro becomes king, sacrifices are made to the octopus balloon, and oh yeah, Tarkan feels better.
He's still pretty incompetent, though, so Kurt becomes the Gromit to his Wallace. Seriously, how many times can the hero of the movie be captured (lots, apparently) and be saved by his wall climbing, throat biting, door opening buddy Kurt (lots, again)?
Just when you start getting into Tarkan and this being a Tarkan movie (there were 7 of them), he gets knocked out and misses the next twenty minutes or so. So not only has it become a live action Wallace and Gromit cartoon, it's also quite a bit like a barbarian Ronsencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead. It's more fun to wonder if Tarkan really is the star of his own movie or not. I guess maybe Kurt Versus the Vikings wouldn't have been as popular. That Kurt is one resourceful dog.....
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