Limitless 2011 Neil Burger

See if you can wrap your head around this premise:  Guy down on his luck starts taking drugs, feels unstoppable and invincible, has a good few months and then starts the downward spiral that always happens in movies about guys (or girls) who take drugs.  Now, instead of a run of the mill drug like cocaine or heroin, imagine for a minute a more science fiction-y drug that allows you to use all of your brain.....and there you have Limitless.

It wasn't marketed as a drug movie - but it definitely is.  That's not a bad thing, though.  Drug movies can be entertaining if done well.  No one's gonna say Requiem for a Dream isn't a great movie.  Now Limitless isn't in the same league as that film, but it's not trying to be.  It really is just a slightly science fiction-y take on your standard American drug drama.

Bradley Cooper is the loser who starts winning thanks to his little pills.  Robert De Niro is the financial tycoon who takes an interest in his theories regarding the stock market.  There's also a Russian loan shark, a disapproving girlfriend, and lots of random good looking people who populate the parts of the movie when Bradley Cooper is successful.

So far, it's pretty average.  Entertaining, but average.  And just when you think it's going to be another moralistic tale, it takes a turn towards an extremely satisfying conclusion the likes of which aren't seen in American drug movies.   It's then that I realized why the trailers for this movie completely downplayed the whole drug angle in favor of the science fiction aspects.  If people knew what this movie advocated, they would be morally outraged.  That outrage would be ridiculous and completely without merit, but this is America, so being uninformed and furious is expected.  Watch it and see for yourself.  Tell me I'm wrong.

Tarkan Versus the Vikings 1971 Mehmet Aslan

I haven't seen too many Turkish movies.  The ones I have seen - Three Monkeys, Distant, and Dry Summer - are all serious dramas.  I knew that wacky Turkish exploitation movies existed, but I never saw one before today.

And what a movie!  It's not a good movie or even well made, but it is something else.  It concerns  Tarkan the Barbarian.  He's a Turk, and he's quite the badass.  He's escorting the Yonca, the daughter of Atilla the Hun, with his two trusty dogs by his side.  His main friend is his older dog, Kurt.  The younger dog is around, but he's learning how to be a good Turkish dog from his father, the aforementioned Kurt.

When Yonca and Tarkan the Barbarian stop at a local Hun (Turk) fortress, they're attacked by Commander Toro of the Vikings.  You can tell their Vikings, because they arrive in a ship that looks exactly like the magic boat tht took Jimmy and Freddy the Magic Flute to Living Island in H.R. Pufnstuf.  That, and they wear cutoffs.  They're Vikings.

The Vikings attack, killing all the men, women, and children.  Well, not all the women....In true Viking style, they snatch up the foxiest ones - Yonca included - and take them back to Viking Land.
They also manage to put Tarkan out of commission with a few well placed arrows and even kill Kurt Sr.  When Tarkan comes to, that's when you find out that the younger dog is named Kurt, also.  Not Kurt, Jr. - just Kurt.  Kurt is dead, long live Kurt.

This is where the movie gets truly weird.  Tarkan is all but forgotten for about twenty minutes while he recuperates from his injuries, and we get to see the inflatable octopus that the Vikings worship, along with secret Chinese torture rituals.  Then Commander Toro becomes king, sacrifices are made to the octopus balloon, and oh yeah, Tarkan feels better.

He's still pretty incompetent, though, so Kurt becomes the Gromit to his Wallace.  Seriously, how many times can the hero of the movie be captured (lots, apparently) and be saved by his wall climbing, throat biting, door opening buddy Kurt (lots, again)?

Just when you start getting into Tarkan and this being a Tarkan movie (there were 7 of them), he gets knocked out and misses the next twenty minutes or so.  So not only has it become a live action Wallace and Gromit cartoon, it's also quite a bit like a barbarian Ronsencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead.  It's more fun to wonder if Tarkan really is the star of his own movie or not.  I guess maybe Kurt Versus the Vikings wouldn't have been as popular.  That Kurt is one resourceful dog.....

Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen 2010 Andrew Lau

Have you seen Bruce Lee's Fist of Fury?  Or, as it's known in it's dubbed American version, The Chinese Connection?  This movie is a sequel to that movie.  I'm not saying that you have to see the original Bruce Lee movie to have fun with this one, but it helps.  If you're too lazy to watch that one, I'll catch you up to speed:  Bruce Lee is a character named Chen Zhen.  Chen Zhen has been away for a while, and when he comes back he finds out that his kung fu master is dead.  He had been killed in a kung fu vs. karate showdown with the Japanese.  That makes Bruce Lee mad.  He goes over to the Japanese karate school, kicks all their asses, and leaves.  The Japanese have never been nice to the Chinese, so of course they retaliate against Bruce Lee and his kung fu school.  The law gets involved and the Japanese quite literally get away with murder.  This makes Bruce Lee so mad he's just gotta kill back.  So he does.  Lots.  The police and Japanese soldiers come to take him away, at which point he fills with Nationalist Pride and charges the armed soldiers.  The screen freezes mid-charge, but you hear the guns firing, so you know that Bruce eats it in the end for his country.

Or does he?

See, that original movie has been remade quite a few times - notably Jet Li's Fist of Legend - so it was up to savvy movie producers to find a new angle for a new generation.  "Maybe he lived!", they thought, and a new movie was born.  To make it classy, they hired the guy who made the Infernal Affairs movies, Andrew Lau ( you know those movies better as The Departed by Marty Scorsese.  That's right - The Departed was a remake), and they got current kung fu golden boy (and member of the previous generation) Donnie Yen to star in it.

It seems Chen Zhen survived and is now helping the French in World War I.  It would all seem kind of silly if the filmmakers didn't pull out all the stops and put in an incredible action set piece to get everything started.  Once the audience (and the Germans) knows who they're dealing with, it's back to Shanghai for Chen Zhen and his buddies, armed only with a false name and Nationalistic Pride.  In another nod to the great Bruce Lee, the costume that Chen Zhen wears when he hands the Japanese their collective asses is the same one Bruce Lee wore as Kato on TV's The Green Hornet.  He's known as The Masked Avenger, and he's a hero to all the downtrodden Chinese everywhere.

 So far, it's pretty entertaining.  Then things take the requisite bad turn in the second act, and the end is all kung fu ass-kicking glory.  Really, you need to see Fist of Fury to appreciate what they've done here.  You don't even need to see all of it.  Watch the fights.  Skip around if you have to (Shame on you.  That movie's awesome!  Watch it all!).  See that suit he's wearing in the poster?  It's a copy of the same one Bruce Lee wore in the original.  They even reference the original in the poster, for god's sakes!  It's like the Great Chinese Story!  Everybody knows it!  Don't be left out!  Watch this movie!

Oh, and for anybody who says that it's all a pean to Communism or Socialism or whatever -ism is the bad -ism for the week, just shut up.  It's a movie.  There's no hidden agenda.  You're not too smart for the Chinese and their sneaky ways.  Hero was a great movie and you missed it.  Legend of the Fist is pretty great and you're gonna miss it, too.  Think about that when you go see Captain America, smart guy.

Horrible Bosses 2011 Seth Gordon

Before I talk about this movie, I'd like to talk about the events leading up to my seeing it.  I wasn't very excited to see this movie.  I thought it would be entertaining but forgettable, so I wasn't expecting much.  My girlfriend and I sat down in the theater, waited through the 10 or so minutes of commercials for Coke, The Smurfs movie, and all the drama that was going on in the lives of the people around us ("And then I said, She's not even my friend!  Why would you believe her? " "What did he say then?"  "Nothing!  He knew he was busted!" etc., etc.).  Then the previews started.

First up - the Fright Night remake.  It looks pretty fun, actually.  Next - the Footloose remake.  It looks horrible.  But it also looks like an extremely faithful remake of the original, which is depressing, because I liked the original at the time.  I was a little kid, but still...  Next up - the one where Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds switch bodies.  Which then reminds me of all the body switching movies I saw as a kid in the '80's.  There's a reason no one's clamoring for a re-release of Vice Versa.

Counting The Smurfs, that makes 4 remakes coming out soon and no hope for originality in the coming weeks at the air-conditioned multiplex.  Between that news, and the impending court dates of my fellow moviegoers, I was not in the best mood to see Horrible Bosses.

But it's hilarious.

Really, I haven't laughed this hard at a movie in a long time.  I know everyone loves The Hangover movies, and they're ok, but this is the movie that I'll be watching and quoting for the next few years.  Jason Bateman does his straight man routine to perfection.  Jason Sudekis from Saturday Night Live is funny as the horndog friend, and Charlie Day from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is fantastic.  I'd never reallly watched that show before, but I will now.  He's that funny.  Watching these three come up with and try to execute a plan to, well, execute their bosses is fantastic.

As the bosses, Kevin Spacey does a funny version of his Swimming With Sharks character, Jennifer Aniston is actually funny as the sexually harrassing dentist boss,  but Colin Farrell is the best boss in the movie.  His Bobby Pettit, a coked-up, kung fu practicing (He's a green belt!  And don't you forget it!) slimeball with the worst comb-over in history, gets a gold star.  He deserves his own movie.

I haven't even gotten to Jaime Foxx as the "murder consultant".  It was when he showed up and explained to the characters that they should all kill each other's bosses, that an old man behind me decided to exclaim to his neighbor in an old man whisper that was 10 times too loud "LIKE STRANGERS ON A TRAIN!  YOU KNOW, HITCHCOCK!!!".  At which point, one of the characters says "Like Hitchcock!  You know, Strangers on a Train!"  This thrilled the old man to no end, because it was like the movie had talked directly to him, so he laughed uproariously.

Even with all that was going on at the theater around me, I enjoyed this movie enormously.  I definitely recommend seeing it in the theater with the biggest crowd you can.  Really, the only thing that could ruin it is a crying baby.  That means you have about a 1 in 3 shot of having a really good time.

Planet of the Vampires 1965 Mario Bava

Quick - what can you do if you have $1.05 and about 6 yards of plastic wrap?  Give up?  You can make one of the most influential science fiction movies of all time - that's what!  Wait - you've never heard of Planet of the Vampires?  Have you heard of Alien?  How about Aliens?  But it's called Planet of the Vampires!  I'm confused.....

Don't be confused.  Planet of the Vampires is an Italian science fiction movie that has influenced countless movies that came after it.  Some of those movies borrowed some of it's themes and ideas, and some of those movies - namely the Alien series - stole designs and sequences outright.

This movie concerns two ships that pick up on some sort of (distress?) beacon and set down to investigate it.  Once they land, the crews are overcome with the desire to kill one another.  If not for the courage of one of the fearless captains, both ships would be lost.  He manages to beat some sense into the remaining crewmembers, and they explore this new planet, encountering many dangerous things along the way - not the least of which is their very own deceased fellow crewmembers, brought back to life by some strange power.  What is causing all of this?  What are those lights?  Are there vampires, or was that just a lame American title? (That's a yes.)

The most interesting things about this movie are the parts that were stolen for Alien & Aliens.    The design of the heroes ship is a nice shiny version of the ship found on LV-426 in Alien.  The Space Jockey from Alien  is here as well.  He looks almost exactly the same.  The team of (Marines) astronauts can't find any living people on the planet, but they keep getting killed off while on (duty) lookout.  They don't find one little girl to take care of, though.  Way to be original, James Cameron.

Mario Bava directed this, before his more celebrated slasher movies like Bay of Blood (Twitch of the Death Nerve for you Tarantino lovers out there) or Lisa and the Devil.  It's violent, I suppose, but in a sort of harmless Sixties way.  It's definitely worth seeing, and it's on Netflix Instant Watch right now, so check it out soon.

Mr. Death: The Rise and Fall of Fred A. Leuchter, Jr. 1999 Errol Morris

He's called Mr. Death.  He designs and builds better ways to execute someone.  Nothing gets him more excited than finding a more efficent and humane way to execute criminals.  He's the most unassuming, mousy man you'll ever see.  That makes him strangely compelling.  He keeps saying crazier and crazier things regarding his occupation, but he seems completely harmless, so it's almost quaint and likeable.

Then he drops the bomb.

According to him, the Holocaust did not happen.

Well, it happened - but the whole gas chamber thing is a lie.  Since he builds gas chambers, he knows how they work and according to him the "gas chambers" couldn't possibly be used for gassing people.
This is where the movie gets really interesting.  How can someone ignore copious amounts of evidence and witness testimony to come to such a conclusion?

I'll tell you how - he goes to Auschwitz and steals some bricks.  From Auschwitz.  With a cameraman filming the whole thing.  Then he writes a paper denying the Holocaust and becomes a minor celebrity on the Holocaust denying circuit.

The only reason I don't mind telling you about the entire movie is that I'm not ruining it.  You have to see it to believe it.  You'll laugh, your jaw will drop, you won't be able to believe what you're seeing and hearing....You must watch it.

The Warrior's Way 2010 Sngmoo Lee

Have you ever seen a movie that seems like it was made just for you?  It has everything you like in movies - all in the same movie - so it's a lot easier to overlook it's flaws and imperfections.  That's what this movie was like for me.  There's just no way to be objective about it.  That's also another way of saying I'm slightly embarrased that I liked it as much as I did.

First of all, it's a green-screen movie.  It's all hyper-real and super fake.  I don't love all green-screen movies ( I'm looking at you, 300 ) but I do like a fair amount of them.  Sin City, Casshern, Goemon - I love you all.  Now I can add The Warrior's Way to that list.

Secondly, it mixes martial arts (this time it's swordplay) with a western.  And the western town is popluated by members of a derelict circus!  With a half built Ferris Wheel in the background!  Now I know this isn't the first Western with martial arts ( Red Sun and The Fighting Fists of Shanghai Joe ) or a circus ( Boot Hill ) involved, but c'mon!  How could the fire breather or jugglers not use their combined circus talents to fight the invading ninjas and marauding soldiers?  How can anyone not think this movie is awesome?!

Thirdly, there are some pretty good actors that were roped into making this film.  Korean star Dong-gun Jang ( Tae Guk Gi: The Brotherhood of War) is the star, but let's be real.  Nobody in America knows who he is.  Geoffrey Rush ( The King's Speech ) is the town drunk with a secret.  Kate Bosworth (Superman Returns) is the novice knife thrower with a secret.  Tony Cox ( Bad Santa ) is the Ringmaster of the circus.  Danny Huston ( The Bad Guy in Everything) is the bad guy leader of the local band of marauders.  As the man who taught The Warrior everything he knows, the producers got Shaw Brothers legend Ti Lung (Almost Every Shaw Brothers Movie Ever Made). 

So to recap:  Swordfights, gunfights, circuses, Ferris Wheels, ninjas, child endangerment, laundry, sharpshooting, horrible scarring, opera, and incredibly stylized colors and backgrounds all come together in one of the more entertaining movies I've seen all year.  Give it a chance.  I dare you to be bored.