Red 2010 Robert Schwentke

By all rights, this movie shouuld have been awesome.  It's got Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich, and Helen Mirren all playing retired CIA assassins who have to team up to find out who's trying to kill them.  It's called Red, because apparently RED is an acronym for "Retired Extremely Dangerous".  Clever.

Not really.  It starts off well enough, with Bruce Willis kicking ass and taking out a team of operatives sent to kill him.  So far, so good.  It reminds me of an '80's action movie, so I thought "It'll be like seeing Cobra or Commando when I was 12!"  But no, it was more like when I saw GoBots:Battle of the Rock Lords as a kid in the theater.

Now, I love Morgan Freeman, and I like Bruce Willis.  I'm all in for any movie where John Malkovich acts crazy.  I'll never forget first seeing Helen Mirren in The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover, but damned if I didn't feel a little like Michael Gambon at the end of that movie.  Helen Mirren's pointing a gun at me, and I just have to choke it all down, even if I hate it. (Rent that movie -it'll all make sense)

So, I really kinda hate this movie.  I remember sort of how it works out, but why bore you with details?  Do you remember the details of The Chronicles of Riddick?  No, but you remember it sucks right?  Sometimes that's enough.